Hold Your Breath, Stupid Baby.

I hate baby’s breath. I EFFING HATE BABY’S BREATH. I cannot think of a more disgusting, vile example of flora than that obnoxious little breath of baby. Everytime I’m in the grocery store and I pass by the floral department, my skin literally crawls when I see a bouquet of red roses with little sprigs of baby’s breath. And the ferns. DO NOT GET ME STARTED ON THE FERNS.

WHO thought that this was a good look? Who deemed it necessary to add ugly little fillers into bouquets of otherwise flawless roses? What 1977 prom queen decided it should be worn on the wrist as a high school rite of passage?! And Brides, do not try and make it modern and chic by mixing it with calla lily’s. Not. Gonna. FLY.

Do you know how you can tell if a guy is a keeper? If he gets you a flower arrangement that does not contain BABY’S BREATH. Or ferns. Stupid ferns.

Any of my closest friends can attest to my unwavering (irrational?) hatred of baby’s breath.

HOWEVER.

There is an exception.

Baby’s breath done right can be so, so right. SO RIGHT. This means the baby must breathe alone. No other flowers. Just the simplicity of it standing alone is what makes it work. An added bonus? Babys breath is cheap. DIRT CHEAP. You can make a great impact with it for little cost...perfect for the bride on a budget!

Of course, it must suit the occasion. Personally, I think doing a super glam chic wedding with massive bouquets of baby’s breath can be breathtaking (I know, I know...I’m so punny!) It looks like a beautiful, fluffy white cloud, and is especially fabulous in tall arrangements. I like this on long, rectangular tables, with small, low arrangements and candles interspersed with the tall arrangements. I just love something that keeps the eye moving.

Love it in the aisle!

Baby’s breath can also work for a shabby-chic or rustic wedding....clustered in bud vases or mason jars, or intertwined with burlap, the baby’s breath is simple and perfect.

My all time favorite use of babys breath? (ok “all time favorite” is a bit of a stretch-but my favorite if it’s a life or death choice. I digress)

Submerged. I am such a fan of submerged blooms. It makes such a fabulous impact, and you only need a few flowers to do it! Yet again....another great way to save those dollars! (And put them towards something useful. Like Christian Louboutin bridal shoes) And submerging baby’s breath is practically FREE!

So, in conclusion....today we have learned that you don’t EVER use baby’s breath (or ferns) as filler, unless it is for a hugely tacky wreath for Great-Aunt Myrtle’s funeral.